All you married Nnesser's..

[Christine_0701]

This might sound as an odd question (or a revealing one...so you don't have to answer if you don't want to)....but how did you know it was love?

[yardenxanthe]

If you have to ask, then you aren't in love.

[Christine_0701]

Originally posted by yardenxanthe@Nov 7 2003, 03:56 PM
If you have to ask, then you aren't in love.
lol...yes, i know that one ;)

[auntieemu]

I can't remember exactly what it was - just that we were so comfortable together. He says that he knew he was going to have to marry me the day he and some friends were watching football and I just put a pillow in his lap, lay down on the couch and took a nap. That was in 1982....... I've been married longer than some of you nnessers have been on the planet.

[kittymao]

Not me!
I was a year old!
bwa ha ha!

Anyway- I've been with my Rudy for almost six years now. I guess I could tell it was love... when he helped clean bird crap out of my hair. That was the first day he said he loved me.

I guess its when a single person can throw you all over the spectrum of emotion in less than three seconds.
I can hate Rudy's guts because he made fun of my flabby ass, but once he wraps his arms around me, i feel loved and completely forget everything but him.

[Sirius]

For the short version, just read the part in italics. (Not read for errors, as I would probably delete it if I reread it)

1982...let's see...I was 8 then auntie!

Well, about the love thing, I've probably only told my story 800 times here, but since you asked I have an excuse to tell it again. ;) First, a side story...

My friend Kristy has always been very passionate about the "love at first site" thing. She wants to walk in the room and KNOW that the guy across the room is THE ONE. That would be great. I had an experience like that once. I was at a conference in another state, and I was talking with a friend and the door opened, I got this tingling feeling, I turned around, and then turned back and mumbled "crap." Basically, I had never seen the guy before, but I turned around made eye contact and had this "feeling." So, I told me friend, and asked her to help me avoid him for the rest of the conference. Skipping all other details, let's just say I was unsuccessful and he was the one...for a night. Much to the shock of everyone because I'm not supposed to be that-type-of-girl. Whatever that means. Anyway, that's the closest I have come to one of those instana-feelings. And, I recognized it for what it was immediately.

Now, to our regularly scheduled story, I met my love in 1990, and was sick of him before I ever met him. My friend had been talking about him for weeks and I was at the point where if I heard the name Brian again I was going to scream. So, apparently, I had a bad attitude when I met him (i.e. years later he asked, "Why did you hate me when you met me?") and I of course hadn't considered him datable being as I met him because of an obsessed friend. This was sophmore year of high school. For the rest of high school that continued, they never dated, but still when she came home from Berkley a week after classes started because she was homesick, we all thought it was because she was still thinking something might happen with Brian. Anyway....fast forward four years...about 8 of us have a mini reunion and are friends again. We all see eachother about once a month. Sometimes all of us, sometimes smaller groups. We still don't know if she is over Brian, but it isn't brought up. Then she starts dating someone. 1998 - I move, Brian helps me. He's always there after that. He comes to my house right after work, we either go out for dinner and entertainment, or have dinner in and rent a movie. Every night, yet we are still just friends. Then one night --February 22, after we had gone to a basketball game (Spurs won) Brian tells me he thinks he is falling in love with me. Surprisingly, this is shocking for me. I've always been oblivious with these things. "Um, I thought you were going to say ya' kind of digged me, but that was more than I was expecting." Anyway, we leave it at that. We had a lot going on -- road trips to Dallas and San Antonio that we had planned as friends, things like that.

I'm getting to my point. I'm a rambler, hadn't you noticed yet?

So, my first hint. I had a trip to California where I spent a weekend with a male friend, that I didn't realize that the California friend thought it was going to be a different kind of weekend. So, while I was dealing with that, I really kept thinking about missing Brian. Was I missing him because he was such a constant in my life or because of my feelings? Argh!!!!

April 12, 1998. Six of us were at my place and I was in the other room. Someone knocked on the door, Brian answered it and it annoyed me that he answered MY door, so I snapped at him. It had been someone at the wrong door, but truth be told, there was this guy who had been kind of on this fine line of pestering/stalking me, and I was freaked about how the weird guy would have reacted had it been him at the door. (that is yet another long story).

Okay, so, from here down is what I was originally going to post, but it makes more sense with this complete version....

The six of us were in my den area with Brian playing with wax of a candle setting on my counter. He was being quiet and not being involved because I had snapped at him. And, I looked at him, and in that instant knew I loved him and was going to spend my life with him. I had felt in love before but had never had that oh-so-complete confidence about "us", I had never even thought I would ever want to be married, let alone, look at someone and think, I'm going to spend the rest of my life with them. And, technically, we weren't even dating yet.

[bingsy]

Randy and I have been an official couple since June 1997, but we met in June 1996.

I met Randy while I was doing this Texas road trip thing, visiting different friends and stuff. I went to Austin, then Houston, and then San Antonio. The reason for the road trip was that I was going through an extremely difficult time with my boyfriend at the time. Needless to say my first conversations with Randy were about this guy. I talked soooooo very much about my difficulties with this guy.

I was really taken by the fact that Randy was the ONLY one that did not tell me straight out, break up with this guy and do it quickly. He just listened and reflected and was very compassionate towards my hurt feelings. It was weird because, due to my conversation with him, I came to the conclusion to break up myself.

I loved Randy that night. For reasons that I can't get into, because they would kind of invade Randy's privacy, I thought Randy was completely off limits to me as a boyfriend. But I had an open mind, and I didn't care what kind of relationship I had with him. I just wanted him in my life. I came home, told everyone I met my soul mate (a very popular term at that time) and wrote him a letter basically inviting him in my life in whatever capacity he was capable of. I mailed it c/o my friend that introduced us.

He wrote back a small letter with clever drawings, and I knew again. This guy is special for me. I wrote him back and included a cassette tape. He wrote back an 8 page letter, very much like a diary. I knew that we would be friends forever...but I still didn't think a boyfriend/girlfriend thing was possible. So I continued a relationship with another guy, the guy after the first guy I mentioned earlier.

That relationship petered (sp?) out, and I went back to thinking that I wanted Randy as my special friend. I had fantasies of him being my roommate, and us being a wacky, sitcom type thing. I had bought my first computer and began emailing Randy. I invited him to visit me, and he did.

I assumed he was still off limits, but he kept making comments about children and marriage...and I just kept feeling like he was giving me puppy dog eyes. What was up with his puppy dog eyes and children and marriage? Is he talking about me. Then I realized how many times that I wanted to hold his hand. The last day he was going to be in El Paso we kissed.

I never had a doubt that it would be Randy for me after that...poor Randy though. I dropped him off at the airport, and I have never seen a man look so freaked out. :blink:

I got a friend to go along with me to make a road trip to Austin, and I had Randy drive up from San Antonio. That night, in front of the Continental Club on Congress Avenue, I told Randy, "You do know that I love you?" I was so embarassed that I bit his earring in nervousness (it was a small silver fly earring). Then he smiled and shook his head, and said,"You do know that I love you too?" and that was it. He later told me that he smiled and shook his head because he had been composing a speech to tell me that he loved me...and I kind of pre-empted that. At any rate, it is a great memory. The view of the Texas capitol is so beautiful from that spot. We will always remember it.

Whew! What a long ass story?

[magpy]

I couldn't imagine the world without him.

[girl-who-loves-sharks]

Oh man. Rustell and Bingsy: both of your stories made me cry! I love love.

With Chris: I worked with him in a music store. He's five years younger, and although I immediately thought he was really cute, I never considered dating him. After we had been working together for a couple of months I had a big crush on him, but I had a few other crushes too, on more 'realistic' people. I remember driving up to NJ to visit my best friend and obsessing the entire time over whether I should just get over the age difference and ask him out, or whether I should go for this other guy. Well, I wasted some time on that other guy, but after a few more months passed and that ended in January 2000, I found myself still having a big crush on Chris. Together we saw Yo La Tengo in D.C., we went to Atlantic City and played slots, we had lunch together at work every day, and we sat on the bleachers of the high school near his house and drank wine practically every night. Nothing romantic happened in all that time, but it was obvious that we did have mutual crushes. So one night we were seeing Yo La Tengo again, this time in Baltimore, and we had so much fun. He drove me home, and instead of just, "See you tomorrow," we kissed. And that's when I knew it didn't matter that he was 5 years younger, because I loved him.

[bingsy]

Heather - my sister's story is similar in that she was considering two guys and later ended up marrying the one that didn't seem to fit the "idea" of who she should be dating.

Only it wasn't age. My sister was really superficial. One was sincere and sweet and handsome, but worked at the grocery store (aged 24), drove a crappy car that kind of thing. The other was kind of boring but more respectable to her friends and more stable, drove some impressive car which means so little to me because I am not a car person, was an engineer.

I thought it was a no brainer, go for the gorgeous Hessian (what my friend and I called him because he was tall and blond with big features).

She did, and now she has a husband that is a great father and a super sweet, patient guy.

5 years doesn't seem like a big gap to me, but I know that if it were say 24 and 19 it may seem so at the time.

Now I have to wonder. Are you guys like Deadheads but for Yo La Tengo?

[girl-who-loves-sharks]

Are you guys like Deadheads but for Yo La Tengo?

:lol: That would be SO like something I would do, but sadly, no. We had much more flexible schedules back when we worked retail, and good people rarely play in Baltimore, so when someone showed up who we actually liked, we saw them.

Chris was 21 and I was 26 when we started dating.
And-- the nerve-- yesterday Chris was saying how 'weird' it was that Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz were getting married, because he is 22 and she is 31. I just think it's weird because they have only been dating for six months... Ack, but enough of my letting on that we watched E! last night while we ate dinner.

[AlienSpy]

I knew that it was love because everything happened really quickly when I met Nicolas and it felt natural. He moved in with me after less than a month, we adopted another dog (I already had one) and two cats, he proposed to me, etc. I remember the first night we spent together - I just knew that he was the one because ..... well, I just knew :P I know it sounds dumb, but when you love someone, you just know it. Sometimes people wonder if they're in love - and I think that if they're wondering about it, it's not really love (well, not yet anyway).

Julie

[Cuilanië]

I shouldn't really post, because it's over now...
But it did start all wonderful, so here it is.

I was getting over a huge crush I'd had on a guy I thought of as my "soul mate", and I'd gotten involved in a few short-term relationships that year (couple of months, the like).

The Thursday night I met my ex, in March 1999, I'd decided to go dancing at my favourite place. None of my friends wanted to go with me, so I said, "Fine, I'll go alone, then." I almost chickened out, but kicked myself in the butt, and went.

After avoiding the attentions of an already-drunk guy, I was really getting into the dancing and not really paying attention to my surroundings, when I noticed this guy - long hair, goatee, black-and-red plaid pants - who danced to the same songs I did, and danced very well, too.

At one point, we left the dance floor at the same time because we didn't like the song, almost bumped into each other, smiled... Later, he came over and offered me a drink. I wasn't very cooperative, because I don't drink much when I'm dancing (I need my balance - I'm a very active dancer!), but we sort of chatted as much as the music would allow.

We left the club at closing time, and I didn't just want to ask for his number, so I asked if he'd like to go for coffee or something. (He told me later he was so relieved, because he'd had the same problem and didn't want to scare me by inviting me over to his place...) So we went to a 24-hour café, had our coffee and talked until 5:30 am, exchanged phone numbers, walked to the metro station, kissed... and stayed there, sitting on those plastic seats, watching the metros go by, talking and kissing some more, until about 7:30. I almost fell asleep on his shoulder.

Being comfortable enough with him to:
1. Ask him "out" for coffee (something of a first)
2. Talk for so long on all kinds of subjects (rare...)
3. Fall asleep leaning on him (even rarer!)
4. Actually call him back the next day (another absolute first for me)
was a dead giveaway. That, and the fact that we'd had trouble going our separate ways that morning.

He'd been in Montréal for two and a half months, and was leaving (going back to Paris) little more than two weeks later... We knew we were both terribly attracted to each other, so we decided to make the most of the time we had. At one point, I was obssessing about him to my best friend, telling her, "I can't fall in love with this guy, I can't, he's leaving in two weeks, it'd be insane..." She told me, "You can't fall in love, you already are." She was right.

A week before he left, he started to make me a whole speech in German - he said he would have been tongue-tied in French... I didn't understand every word, but I caught on soon enough that he was telling me the feelings were mutual. After that, we couldn't just walk away as planned, and decided to see the story through to its eventual conclusion.

He left. We corresponded and phoned each other throughout the summer. I flew over to meet his parents and go on vacation to Scotland in August. He came back to Montreal in September, for three months. I was supposed to go to France for eight months starting mid-December that year, but I had so much trouble getting a visa which would allow me to work, that we decided to get married then and there to simplify matters. We were already talking about it, him saying, "If it doesn't work out with you, it'll never work with anyone - we're so much alike!" and me knowing he was someone I could commit to for life... But if we'd had the same nationality, we probably wouldn't have rushed it so much. Eight and a half months between meeting and marriage, even having known from the outset that we were in love... That's a bit crazy, even for me.

That's how I ended up moving to France, btw. Now we split up a year ago, and I'm so comfortable here I'm staying. Until life takes me elsewhere, that is... ;)

Sorry it was so long, but it IS an intense story, and I've skipped the details as much as I could!

[Sirius]

Because it has been days since I last gloated about being the luckiest girl in the galaxy, and I am feeling really guilty about the amount of spoiling and attention he is giving me because I feel crappy....

Further evidence of how cool Brian is...http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-9/389388/smallbeach.jpg

[Sirius]

Oh, a tidbit I failed to mention in my story...that friend who first introduced us was the maid of honor at our wedding....

[kestra1111]

My husband and I just celebrated our one-year anniversary last month, but we've been together since 1999. The only way I can describe our getting together is an act of Spirit guiding us.

We met on the Internet, actually. I have had many relationships, including one I pined over for years, thinking he was my "soul mate" but really wasn't.

My husband and I both signed up for the same online dating service. He read my profile and emailed me with the words, "I'm probably too young for you, but you looked interesting so I thought maybe we could have lunch sometime and just talk" (he lived an hour away).

He is 20 years younger than me. I was going to ignore his email because I had had many younger men coming on to me looking for a "mommy" figure (no thanks!) but something whispered, "Quit turning people away because of age." And his honest, non-swaggering invitation "disarmed" my suspicions. So I agreed to meet him the next weekend.

The minute he got out of his truck, I KNEW he was the one. I thought, "My God, there he is - the one I've been searching for all my life." Don't ask me how I knew. He fit ALL the physical characteristics that attract me but the more we talked the more I realized I was a goner. The clincher? We had spent all day talking and not wanting to part, but he had a date that night with another woman he had just begun seeing. Rather than break the date, he decided to keep it and to tell her he wouldn't be seeing her again. I think I began to love him even more then for his honor.

We were happy as lovers, but marriage has cemented our commitment and love in ways I could never have dreamed possible. We are extremely compatible and very, very happy!

[kittymao]

Ohh-
had I known we were gonna talk about How we met stories, I'd have spit mine out earlier. It's teh classic case of High school drama with an unexpected twist.

Okay. In high school, I had a big cluster of friends. There were three girls and each of us were dating a boy who we brought into our fold- like a chick-harem, if you will. Every boy one dated, he'd join the group and hang out- and more girls would joun our cirlce to get teh boys we collected. With the otehr two- they traded off boys, I had none of that.
But I digress.
there was a time I was dating a good, clean, old-fashioned boy. Plans of college, computer major, sports and was nice and fair, with a good family upbringing- NONE of which I had. Which I think attracted me to him. He was teh exact opposite of me.

Well, we dated for about five months, then he went to college. At first I was okay with it, but then became bitter as he would only come home for holidays and he'd expect that nothing would change- we'd pick up where we left off the last time he was down. That made me bitter. But I was determined to make it work- he was a good boy, in college, and only a year older than me. I just had to wait.
But I hated waiting. I began to resent him- secretly. As far as all my friends knew, we were fine. In truth, I was depressed, bored and miserable.

Well, hanging with my girl friends at school, we decided to go to McDonalds for lunch. We grab a table facing the door- and lo, the Bad Boys walk in.
These boys- there must have been about 10 of them. They moved like a pack- with one as their leader- a tough tall leather-clad boy that looked as if he walked straight out of an after-school special. The otehr boys in the pack weren't as intimidating or even composed enough to come near this guy- but us girls were intrigued. Who were these boys, and what were they doing in OUR McDonalds?!

Turns out, they were freshmen. Of Course.

And thus began the tension-laden ridicule between the Goof troop ( as we called them) and The Girls. Words and food were exchanged ( in the bad way!) taunts and attacks played out- all in the name of flirtation. I didn't have any of it- I had a boyfriend! But secretly- I kept my eye on the tough kid.

And eventually things calmed down as turf was established. But as we all had come to talking terms ( or in the case of some of the boys, expulsion or police records) we began to discover things. The boys began turning backs on one another and announcing crushes that others had in order to gain rank. And the one most heard about was the one that the Tough Kid Rudy had ( or as we caled him Elvis, due to his slicked back hair and snarl) was- on me.
That made me mad. I had a boyfriend! Didn't he know that? Why did he even think he could do that? As soon as I found out, I used to glare at him whenever I saw him. And he did the same.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore with the College BF. We broke up. He cried. I cried- but only because he did- It had been long over for me. And I enjoyed my freedom. But- When I went into art class for a new semester- Rudy was there. I ignored him. I tried VERY hard to ignore him.
But as I gained a couple of new friends in that class- Danny ( who was weird in every aspect) and Shane ( a football player who could paint? who knew?!) Rudy knew these boys and would talk to them. And sometimes- me. Eventually- I gave in. Becuase of our mutual friends, it was inevitable we were going to be. So we did- on one condition. He couldn't like me.

And we were friends. And it was nice. Soon, we were talking and chatting it up- and soon... it was as if no one else existed. It was just him and me. Friends. We'd hang out after school, chat on the phone- and one day he asked if he could be my BF. And I told him I had to think about it. And in all honest I didn't. Becuase I liked him too- That whole hate thing was becuase I liekd him- and I had a BF.

And taht was almost 6 years ago.

[bingsy]

That is so sweeeeeeeet! I especially love the whole girls vs. boys, Westside story in McDonald's turf war thing. :P

[stargal1998]

First off, I must clarify... I love Nick, and he loves me, and though I am sure he thinks he is ready for the ball and chain I am not...

I was a wild girl for a few months, thanks to the help of my now ex friend Jill. She helped me embrace my inner bad girl because I was still feeling bad because of a hideous (for me, not for the guy who did it) break up about a year before. The first time I met Nick, I barely saw him. We were at a martini bar in cleveland and we looked slutty and drank $12 martinis, flirting with some of the guys there. Nick hung out at the table we had, and I don't think we said 2 words to each other.
Jill and I went to parties, worked the same friday night job and had a great time. A few months later, Jill actually had a dinner party and after the meal we were cleaning up. She and most of the people there started telling stories of things I didn't want to hear about, so I called the TV and the movie "Batman" with michael keaton.
I laid down on the couch and Jill's friend Nick came over and we started watching the movie and he asked if my feet were cold, so he put them on his lap and started rubbing them (okay, I normally hated people touching my feet, especially through stockings) and then his friend Chris (who I knew) came over and we watched Batman and then Serendipity. Over the course of the evening, I had drank a half case of sky blues and when it came time to leave, I found my ride and went back to campus. He;d given me his number so we could all plan on doing something (bookstore) the next day.
We ended up at Borders and I had terrible polyjuice potion and the rest of the group decided to leave, so it was me nick and chris. We went to see Big Trouble and then he got my number (putting it in chris' phone). And he was known as the 'nice guy who bought me dinner' because while he wasn't my type, he was really nice to me...and I felt great to be around him, despite the fact he's about 2 inches shorter than me. Well, Jill found out about us going out and got a little mad. One night, he stayed over all night, and we were just talking and watching movies and fell asleep...nothing had happened, but Jill got mad because I didn't tell her everything that had happened. So she tried to set me up with her other friend Nick (nick2)... he was nice, we'd chatted online and on the phone and I had some great conversations with him.
Well, Jill said we were all going to see Spiderman. And I made the offhand comment to Nick 1 about it, he hadn't been invited. Well, he went and bought tickets before the show, showing up in a hideous suit. I met him and chris there and by the time jill and the rest of the group (including nick 2) had got there, tickets were sold out. Nick 1 sold his tickets to someone, and we tried to figure out what to do. I was talking to Nick 2 and realized that he didn't have much of a personality. He kept looking at Jill when I asked him questions, like he was trying to find out what he should say... I didn't like that...
Nick 1 and I have been living together since feb 2003, dating since April 2002... and l love him because he brings out the best in me... But I doubt I'll get married, because I don't want to take anything for granted. I think we've got a great thing going, but I have to do a lot more growing before I am comfortable enough in my skin (places to go, things to do, people to meet) to marry anyone, even someone I am in Love with.

[girl-who-loves-sharks]

I have to do a lot more growing before I am comfortable enough in my skin (places to go, things to do, people to meet) to marry anyone, even someone I am in Love with.

That's a very mature way of looking at things. Good for you.

[kflorathorne]

When the thought of falling alseep on any other's person's chest fell away and I realized that there was no situation that would not benefit from being in love with this heavenly creature.

Woo, take a breath, I'm drowning in my own sappyness. :P

~Krystal

[Christine_0701]

hehe wow. i had totally forgotten about this thread!!

[cryptaesia]

wonky and i have been together for neigh on four years now and i knew from the minute i met her that she was the one.....love at first sight

[bluecrayon]

I have loved love forever -- not sure I know how to recognize the world around it. I think I love HIM, but what if I am just loving love again... ???? I am too existential for marriage, and too lonely to stay alone... it is my conundrum.

[Mermaid]

Hmm I'll see if I can lure my husband here to talk of our meeting.

Each of us are 'free spirits' - such that our various families thought we had eloped already when they first met. And that was more than ten years ago.

hmm

[Mermaid]

And I believe in love.. anything to bring more love into the world and 'reasons for living' and for feeling supported
being creative

going beyond mundane life.

Inner journeying will involve marriage(s) of sorts.

[Meika]

I just knew but I thought I had known before so I sat down and analyzed things. I made a list of all the little things he does that are slightly annoying. I was honest with myself and considered how in the past tose little annoyances had become huge issues for me with other men. I took a few days to really ponder how I felt about dealing with all of his little quirks for the rest of my life. I wanted to make sure I wasn't in Mrs. Fixit mode again. When I decided that I could accept him exactly as he was without trying to change anything about him, that confirmed it for me.

Another key issue was our fights. Usually i would hold gridges and end up being resentful. With him I would just let it roll off my back and in a couple days I'd forget what we even fought about. You'd have had to grow up in my house to understand how much fighting and bad feelings really bother me. The fact that i was so easily forgiving was a really major thing for me. It didnt hurt that he was the first one my entire family fell in love with. They adore him so much sometimes I get a tiny bit jealous. :P They all hated my ex husband and disliked most of my exes. ;)

[Curlita]

I think I fell in love with my husband because I was finally ready to be in (healthy) love with someone, and because he was all the things I'd learned (the hard way) that I wanted, needed, and deserved.

We met through an on-line dating service. I'd been dating quite a bit during the past year (usually just first and second dates) and I'd gotten a lot more comfortable with dating and less nervous about it. We were total opposites (I'm a sedentary introvert, he's an athletic extrovert, I was a band nerd in HS, he was on the football team) but we both had the same sense of humor and were genuinely interested in each other's differences. And he was so disarmingly open about wanting to be with me that I could relax and let down my guard.

He was going through a divorce at the time, and within the first year of our relationship I developed a chronic illness. I also had to go into therapy at a critical juncture in our relationship in order to learn how to have an intimate relationship and get my needs met. I think we were tested a lot more than most people are during the honeymoon period of a relationship. At the end of the first year, we were still in love and committed to being together. We'd both gained faith in the fact that no matter what happened, the other person would still be there. It was an amazing feeling. :wub: